He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
