Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
