Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
