i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
