I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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