it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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