he puts the penis in happiness.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
