Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
