How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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