Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
