You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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