3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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