I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
