Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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