I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
