Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
