i just wanna soil my oats bro
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
