I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
