you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
