please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
