That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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