He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
