Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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