FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
