it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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