i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
