so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
