..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
