He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
