I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
