so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
