living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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