i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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