That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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