We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
