everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
