after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
