my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
