So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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