Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
