Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
