Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
