Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
