just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
