This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
