She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
