I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We are two peas in an std pod
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
