I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't turn off my feet"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
