Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
