Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
