every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
