maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
