I think I died a long time ago.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
