Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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