i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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