Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize