I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
