I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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