This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
