are you still at the devil's house?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
