I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
