He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
