SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I met the friendliest cop last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
