Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
