you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
