did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
