It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
