I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
