I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
