Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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