I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize