If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
