ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
