how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
