Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
