We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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