I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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