shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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