Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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